Trump sees shadow—four more years of winter

February 5, 2017

I don’t know about you but I’m feeling “great again” already. In fact, can you honestly admit that you have ever experienced a more exciting, more uplifting week than the one currently wrapping up?

And if we get real lucky, we may even still be around to experience next week.

All week long on the news I’ve seen a constant stream of huge crowds around the world parading through city streets. It’s truly uplifting to witness such international camaraderie. People of many nations, marching together, lifting a finger to signal, I assume, — “U.S.A. is No. 1.”

So many people expressing deep feelings of intense affection for our new president and his initial executive actions.

I couldn’t help but recall that, when he was campaigning for president, Donald Trump said that he would bring people together—and, boy, has he ever!

Even the staid British got in on the fun with 1.6 million citizens joining hands in harmony and sharing a BIC Pen to sign a petition to block President Trump from visiting Britain.

They are also upset over Prime Minister Theresa May’s recent meeting with Trump in Washington. One member of Parliament commented, “She should be standing up for British interests, not going over there and tickling his tummy.” Oh boy, Trump would love that, wouldn’t he.

Along with the parades, it truly warms the cockles of my heart to witness the love shown by all those travelers stuck in airport limbo. You know, those tired, poor, huddled masses of parents, grandmas and grandpas, little kids, etc., all snuggled up together on airport benches for endless hours, sharing microwave hot dogs and coffee.

The President said the chaos at the airports was due to some computer glitch and had nothing to do with his orders. Regardless, I’m sure that he would agree with me that there is nothing better for family bonding than spending a week in a congested, chaotic airport surrounded by federal agents.

I can’t wait to see what happens next week. But while I’m waiting, I’ll just keep plugging away at digging a big hole for my bomb shelter in the backyard.

Along with all the good vibrations created by those people running D.C. this past week, is there any holiday more fun than Groundhog Day, which we celebrated this past Thursday? I know that at the top of my Bucket List is the dream of someday spending that holiday in Pennsylvania at Gobbler’s Knob, home of Punxsutawney Phil.

Were you one of the millions of TV viewers to watch Phil emerge to see his shadow? The size of the live audience there to witness this event was impressive, though it did appear to be smaller than the one at Trump’s Inauguration. However, afterwards in an interview, Punxsy Phil swore his crowd was bigger, that the biased media was lying, and he demanded an official investigation.

Since 1988, Phil’s predictions have only been correct about 46 percent of the time, according to USA Today. However, the Groundhog Club members who care for Phil say that the “alternative fact” is that he is correct 100 percent of the time.

Late on Thursday, clearly upset over the groundhog’s well-publicized prediction, President Trump tweeted “I predicted six more weeks of winter long before Phil did ... yet crooked media covers him. ... so sad.”

The president immediately signed an executive order for immigration authorities to round up and deport all groundhogs to Australia. “They have lots of weird animals over there already like that platypussy thing, so what’s one more? Plus, Aussies love illegal immigrants.”

At 3 a.m. on Friday, Trump tweeted an executive order: “In the future I will personally replace those loser groundhogs and predict the weather. It will be amazing,” he proclaimed.

He then tweeted at 3:03 a.m. “I predicted that Beyoncé would have twins months ago. ... corrupt media wouldn’t print it.”

I know that it’s going to be tough to get re-energized after marching in parades to celebrate President Trump making America great again and watching a groundhog bite men wearing top hats, but, of course, you all know what this Sunday is—Super Bowl LI.

This year’s matchup is full of intriguing questions: Like, when did Atlanta get an NFL team? Will Tom Brady deflate his balls? What will Lady Gaga wear, or, rather, what won’t she wear?

Personally, if the Packers, Bears, Giants, or Baltimore Colts aren’t playing, I have limited interest. Anymore, there’s just too much end-zone dancing, high-fiving, hip-bumping, and arm-waving going on during games—and I’m not talking about the cheerleaders!

I heard that Las Vegas betting on the big game screeched to a halt overnight as President Trump’s latest executive action declares that “Atlanta Falcon players must strap their helmets on backwards and wear tutus.”

Oh, and the biggest news coming out of this past week is that you can now place a Starbucks order by just using your voice with any Amazon device with Alexa. If that doesn’t make you start to believe that America is great again, I don’t know what will.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist with accolades including an Associated Press first-place award in column writing and a first place award in a national writing contest sponsored by Nissan Corp. His articles are syndicated by Senior Wire.