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When your bucket list involves a beach: Minister of Culture

June 28, 2018 GMT

When your bucket list involves a beach: Minister of Culture

CLEVELAND, Ohio – I figure it’s time I put my summer-vacation bucket list together. First thing on the list is a bucket. Isn’t that appropriate?

I want to spend some time at the beach, and everybody knows you need a bucket if I’m going to play in the sand and water along the shore. My needs are simple. I’m a simple man. The sun, the shore, the sand and a bucket.

And a shovel.

To fill the bucket with sand. Not like a huge shovel. Just one of those little hand-held deals. What’s it called? A trowel?

So, I’m all set. The sun, the sand, the water, a bucket, and a shovel. Let the games begin.

Oh, and a blanket.

I’m going to need a blanket and probably a beach chair so I don’t get sand in my bathing costume and irritate my grunties. Nothing worse than a sand rash or to be bitten by those beach fleas. What are they called? No-seeums. The invisible little buggers who eat you alive.

Could probably use some bug spray while I’m at it. Just to be safe. Off or whatever it’s called. For the mosquitoes. Don’t need to be fooling around with malaria.

I wonder if it works on ticks? I read somewhere it’s going to be a bad year for ticks. Because of all the deer. Deer spread ticks. Those things are nasty. Even deadly. They cause Lyme disease. That will kill you graveyard dead right where you sit. With your bucket and shovel.

Speaking of cover, I should probably invest in some sun block. Maybe some clear zinc sunscreen? The broad-spectrum SPF 50, water-resistant with UVA/UVB protection. They say it goes on clear, non-greasy. And it’s dermatologist-tested. Skin cancer is nothing to fool around with.

Or I could get a hat. I mentioned that in a previous column. Still haven’t gotten around to it. But a hat wouldn’t protect my whole body from the sun. Maybe what I need is a beach umbrella. That would work. Or even better, a beach cabana-style tent. That could keep the bugs out, too.

I will probably need a cooler. It gets hot out there on the beach. A man could get mighty thirsty roasting in the sun under a beach umbrella. A cooler full of frosty refreshments would not be a bad idea. You’ve got be prepared when dealing with the elements. Now there’s global warming to contend with. Vigilance is the key.

Let’s review.

We got the bucket, the shovel, the blanket, the beach chair, the umbrella, the bug spray, the sun block, the cooler with the beverages.

And earplugs.

There’s nothing worse than being at a beach and having to listen to somebody else’s crappy playlist or horrible radio station against your will. The worse the music, the louder they play it. It’s like a law of nature.

Maybe I’ll just go to a movie.

Get a bucket of popcorn.