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Answer Man: Curses! It’s best to return that stolen gargoyle

January 3, 2018 GMT

Did you miss me? I thought so. You always do.

As loyal readers know, I was on assignment last week investigating Santa Claus. Too many times over the 15 or so years I’ve penned this column, I’ve been asked to vet Santa and verify his existence. I’ve come to the grand old elf’s defense more than once but have never dared to ask the boss for an all-expense-paid trip to the North Pole to check it out.

Last week, I went on my own dime and learned some highly interesting things — highly interesting. But before I could connect all the dots, I was called back for an unscheduled ego reduction procedure, so you’ll have to wait for that report until next Christmas.

Now, time for a dive into the mailbag, which as you know is immense.

Dear Answer Man, I am a consistent reader of your column and the Post Bulletin crime section — both keep me informed about my community. Recently we were victims of crime — our landscape cement gargoyle weighing about 100 pounds was stolen from our front yard. We were quite attached to that piece of art, owned for 12 years, and upset with the crime.

I am aware of the protective purpose of gargoyles and also about “the curse of the gargoyle.” The mother of the actress Emma Stone was also a victim of gargoyle theft. It was returned only after the thief experienced severe health and other problems thought due to Emma’s gargoyle curse on the thief. Hopefully, whomever currently possesses my gargoyle will return it before they meet with similar “bad luck” or “misfortune.”

Should I feel some sympathy for the victim of my gargoyle’s curse? — Scott

Scott, it’s the Christmas season, so yes, go ahead and feel sympathy — perhaps the thief didn’t know what he was getting into.

There’s also the Curse of the Answer Man that can be applied, but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Readers, if you know of some misguided soul who copped a hundred-pound gargoyle from a home in southwest Rochester about two weeks ago, please encourage that person to return it immediately, no questions asked. Or contact me and I’ll work my magic.

Hey Answer Man! Are you the person who can make a difference — to ensure the Salvation Army Warming Center can serve the homeless — by publicizing the need for food for the evening for the guests at the Warming Center? Especially food that can be frozen or refrigerated for the next day’s meal. This is a long stretch of below-zero weather and the warming center is open and welcomes the guests but needs to be able to provide food. Thank you. — Rosemary Bradshaw

Yes, I am that person. The warming center is at 20 First Ave. NE and the number to call is 507-288-3663.