The Slice: The Slice: It might be a person who suspects Dick Vitale is clinically insane

March 16, 2017

If you were to nominate someone, who would you say is the person in the Spokane area who cares least about the NCAA basketball tournament?

Today is that individual’s time to shine.

Whether by simply saying “What’s wrong with you people?” or repeatedly requesting that the office TV be turned down, this person stands out as a rugged individualist in a herd of March Madness fans.

If you see a Spokane area preschooler pretending to be a mammoth: Can you be reasonably sure he or she has been to the museum recently?

Today’s baldness report: “My uncles would get this nice horseshoe shape with a chrome dome,” wrote Mike Storms. “My male pattern baldness gave me a ragged horseshoe that looked a little like mange. So now I shave my head. First time in my life that my hair is in style.”

We appreciate what you did back in the 1860s: Bill Scheres shared this story.

“My high school friend from the 1960s participates in the Civil War re-enactment every year. Last May, he went to a restaurant with his Union soldier uniform on and was approached by a lady who shook his hand and stated, ‘Thank you for your service.’ ”

Uh, OK.

“He knew he was old but not that old.”

To boldly go where, well, you know: Do you recall, in the original “Star Trek” series, how the irascible on-board physician would snap at Captain Kirk, “Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a (whatever the situation required)”?

Sure, you do. Well, what if you took that statement and replaced “doctor” with your own occupation and then filled in the ending with one of these? (See below.)

Here, I’ll give you an example.

“Dammit Jim, I’m a newspaper columnist, not a (fill in the blank).”

A) Grade school teacher. B) Basketball coach. C) Claims adjuster. D) Church usher. E) Master brewer. F) Marmot. G) Realtor. H) Children’s author. I) Short order cook. J) Bail bondsman. K) Sous chef. L) Wagon Queen Family Truckster. M) Other.

Please complete this sentence: We didn’t realize we were on a nude beach until …

Today’s Slice question: A movie based on your actual spring break experiences (as opposed to your hopes or expectations) might be called what?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. A tiny percentage of STA riders smell so strongly of reefer that you would have to forgive the other bus passengers for wondering about the potential for a contact high.