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Rest easy, the Snuggie is a blanket

February 17, 2017

At long last, America has an answer to the all-important question about how to define the Snuggie. It is a blanket, people. Rest easy, and warm, with this knowledge.

A judge at the Court of International Trade recently made the ruling. He rejected the Justice Department’s argument that the Snuggie, a lengthy and wizardlike fleece covering with sleeves, is an article of clothing. U.S. Customs and Border Protection had deemed it a garment.

This was a question of significant cost. Robes or priestly vestments, you see, are subject to higher tariffs than blankets.

Snuggies are marketed as “The blanket with Sleeves!”

Yes, it is true, as comedian Jay Leno once noted, that if you were to put your bathrobe on backward, you would, for all intents and purposes, be wearing a Snuggie. But it’s also true that you would almost certainly (hopefully?) not wear your backward robe out into public. Besides, as Judge Mark A. Barnett wrote, unlike robes, about which judges have a particular expertise, Snuggies open in the back and can’t be closed.

The sleeves, he said, make it easier for the Snuggie “to remain in place and keep the user warm while allowing the user to engage in certain activities requiring the use of their hands.”

Like punching a remote, sipping hot chocolate, praying, embracing sign language, playing Nintendo, or even writing a letter to the editor asking, why, oh, why, did we write this editorial? Because the world is a weighty and divisive place, and sometimes we all need a break, people. Even editorial writers. Besides, this is a celebration of common sense, which has been in short order lately.

The Slanket, which dubs itself “The original blanket with sleeves,” is viewed as a blanket. So is the Freedom blanket, which predates the Slanket. Why not the Snuggie? It is, now without a doubt, “The Blanket with Sleeves!”