Lauren Muse at the Alley Theatre
Length of time working at current place?
Coming up on three years.
OG Muse because I married a beautiful woman who is also named Lauren. She took my last name. So now I’m the “OG.”
Lamest pickup line you’ve heard at the bar?
I used to work in a lesbian bar. The few straight men that would come in thought they were the anti-venom that could cure a sickly lesbian back into straightness. I’ve overheard one too many men use the “You’re too hot to be gay. Maybe you haven’t been with the right man” line.
Most famous person you’ve ever served a drink to?
Ruby Rose. Good God, she’s hot.
Becoming friends with customers: yes or no?
It’s hard to not become friends with your regulars. Bartending is more than just serving the newest fancy cocktail. You also serve an experience. Two of my greatest friends started out as my customers.
Most common customer complaint?
“This drink isn’t strong enough.” Or my favorite, “This isn’t how (insert chain restaurant) makes it.”
Song you’ve gotten sick of at work?
Please stop playing “Yeah!” by Usher. A cute puppy loses his tail every single time that song plays.
What’s the sloppiest, drunkest thing you’ve ever seen on the job?
Once, at an old job, it was storming and flooding. We closed the back patio down and shuffled everyone inside. Or so we thought. At closing/cleaning time, I went outside to start gathering trash. To my surprise, there was a super-intoxicated couple, laying in about 2 inches of water, doing the dirty-dirty. A trash can had fallen over next to them because of the rain, and they were still going at it in the middle of mushy trash water and debris. To make it worse, they had to sift through another trash can to find their garments and do the walk of shame from a fully lit bar with the entire staff watching.
What’s the most outrageous request you’ve ever gotten?
“I used to be a bartender. Can I come back there and make it?” Maybe you were a bartender 20 years ago, but I assure you, I know how to make this unoriginal drink you have requested.
Where do you like to go have a drink when you’re not at work?
I love going to East End Hardware. It’s a super chill bar on the East End that has an amazing whiskey selection. And they serve boozy Sno-balls.
What’s your specialty drink, and how do you make it?
My latest and favorite drink I’ve concocted is the Buzz Aldrin. I puree watermelon, mint and cucumbers together, then strain it to create a juice. Add a little gin, honey and lemon juice —and voilà. We serve it over dry ice to give it a cool effect, but it’s tasty and refreshing no matter how it’s served. I’ve even made popsicles out of my recipe.
What’s something your customers may not know about you?
I’ve been on the local news because I had a pet pig escape from my yard. I put a few flyers out and somehow it generated enough community love that a flyer was sent in to the news. He ran away down the street to Laurenzo’s Italian restaurant, where the bussers had looked after him for a few days before he was safely returned.
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