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AROUND TOWN: Tweets Lost In Translation

December 30, 2018

It’s a race. One I’m not always prepared to run. In the constant effort to get you the information first, I have enemies. Those are my chubby thumbs, and a phone that seems to take great pleasure in taking my voice texts and turning them into gibberish. In philosophic terms: I tweet, therefore I yam. It’s not on purpose, I swear. But just after I push the TWEET button, the gremlins inside my phone take over. Because I’m pretty sure I could never, ever tweet something like: “Shuffle more abbyland house key quietly with a very nice and first half, 9 pts, 8 reb…” Yeah, my sincerest apologies to sophomore Abbey Lentowski. Among many, some of whom I’ve named here. It was my boss’ idea to sincerely apologize to those with whom I ran, ahem, afoul, in basketball, and other seasons. While I’m riding the Holy Cross apology wave: So sorry, Abby Sempa, whom my phone has referred to as, well, here: “I’ll be simple playing a whale of a game for Holy Cross.” And this classic Martyism: “A b sample with 24 points, 6 steals, five assists.” It’s become a bit of a game here in the office to try to figure out what I’m trying to say. And for that, I apologize, and I’m going to make it my top priority resolution to be better in 2019. And that’s unlike the long list of well, you know. In my defense, for all the flubs, nobody said boo when I posted the photo of the double rainbow at Fitzgerald Field while huddled under an umbrella on a cold, windy, rainy October day. But make two mistakes in the same post, you never hear the end of it: “ (Mason) Deakin at foul line 7.5 seconds left in (?) and Susquehanna is up by (?).” Pretty sure it was during a timeout that I typed most of that, and I really did mean to fill in the blanks after he shot the ball. Here’s a bit of shocking news I just discovered as I was writing this. Some of my previous tweets have a button that offers brave followers a translation (does not work, by the way). That’s something my co-workers simultaneously giggle and cringe at, as they try to put my words back into English. Kudos to them for getting this one right: “10 more upset 22078 with 25 seconds left in the half,” which, obviously, was: Dunmore ups it to 27-8 with 25 seconds left in the first half. Was that so hard? And then there was Thursday. “ Rachael Rose with 4th steal, takes it the distance, Prep up 201-5, DUN timeout.” Would have thought a coach with an .872 winning percentage like Ben O’Brien would have taken a timeout sooner than later after falling behind by 196 points. Also, props to Dunmore for a remarkable comeback, apparently. I try to be informative and entertaining, pushing the limits of just how much information I can disseminate in a 20- to 30-second break in play. Sometimes, I unintentionally bring the entertainment part a little too close to home, like during Lackawanna Trail’s state Class 1A semifinal football game with Juniata Valley. “Trail has 2nd and 8th from The Green Hornet’s 31.” Didn’t really like the movie, but apparently the voice recognition did. As well as: “ (Ray) Melnikoff 8 Carrie’s, 102, TD.” Eight Carrie’s? That’s a prom-inent problem. Apparently, it’s not only during the action that I’m guilty. I may have been very happy with what was up at the concession stand, as my “mmm. M” post indicates. Must have been the steak-and-cheese pizza at a Dunmore girls game that led me down that butt-tweet road. The past 12 months have been filled with great sports highlights in our area, some of which I’ve been extremely fortunate to witness. For not always communicating that on Twitter, I apologize. However, I can promise you this. That will not happen again in 2019, or my name isn’t Joby Fawcett. MARTY MYERS covers local sports for The Sunday Times. His Around Town column appears every week. Contact him at mmyers@timesshamrock.com and 570-348-9100, ext. 5437, and follow him on Twitter @mmyersTT.