Alice Cooper to run for President & Prime Minister
If no one before has thought of legendary rock singer Alice Cooper as the missing link between Richard Nixon, George McGovern, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, well, get with the party!
On Friday, Cooper announced he is simultaneously launching campaign bids to become the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of England. His platform includes “a ban on taking selfies,” “cup-holders in every airplane seat” and adding recently deceased Motörhead singer Lemmy to Mt. Rushmore.
Cooper’s catchy campaign slogan: “A Troubled Man for Troubled Times.”
Back in 1972, some fans may recall, Alice Cooper (the band led by the singer of the same name) released a song and a video, both called “Elected.” It began with the lines: I’m your top prime cut of meat, I’m your choice / I want to be elected / I’m your Yankee doodle dandy in a gold Rolls Royce / I want to be elected.
Cooper, of course, did not get elected to any public office, not least because he was no on any ballot. But the snake-charming rocker did know how to generate a good P.R. buzz, and “Elected” certainly accomplished that goal.
Now, 44 years later, Cooper (the singer, not the band) has announced he is again seeking to run for higher office — or, at the very least, seeking to generate some more publicity. And he is doing so with much of the same sense of tongue-in-cheek mischief as he displayed in 1972.
A press release that aims for the funny bone explains his motivation: “Alice Cooper is tired of the rhetoric – the mudslinging – the media frenzy. Keeping his snake in his cage and the guillotine in storage, he is putting people before career. Alice Cooper wants to be elected.
“He is asking his fellow Americans, his British friends and all those around the world who are disillusioned with their leaders, to join The Wild Party. Alice Cooper is tackling the everyday concerns discussed among his fellow woman and man – the ordinary, decent hard working (and rocking) people he meets and entertains every day while performing nearly 100 concerts a year around the world.”
To cap it off, Cooper, 68, has recorded a brassy new version of “Elected.” The original appeared on his band’s 1973 album, “Billion Dollar Babies.”
Cooper is currently on tour with Hollywood Vampires, the band he co-founded this year with actor Johnny Depp and ailing Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry. The biggest difference between now and then is that, by his own admission, Cooper was an alcoholic in 1972. Now, he is a devout Christian of longstanding.
Alice Cooper’s Manifesto
1. Getting Brian Johnson back in AC/DC
2. A snake in every pot
3. No more pencils, no more books
4. Adding Lemmy to Mt. Rushmore
5. Rename Big Ben “Big Lemmy”
6. Groucho Marx on the $50 bill
7. Peter Sellers on the £20 note
8. Cup-holders required for every airplane seat
9. Ban on talking during movies in movie theatres
10. Ban on taking selfies, except on a designated National Selfie Day