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Just another week in La La Land

April 2, 2017 GMT

I have to admit that I gained a whole new level of respect for President Trump recently when I saw a clip on the nightly news where he was asked by a reporter about his reaction to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s threat to unleash his arsenal of nuclear missiles and reduce the U.S. “to ashes.”

When asked, the President was preparing to board Airforce One. President Trump responded that he had held meetings on North Korea during the weekend at his Florida resort Mar-a-Lago.

Apparently, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft participated in the meetings since he was boarding the plane with Trump. Maybe the President admires Kraft’s recent involvement in foreign affairs since the FBI had just located Tom Brady’s Super Bowl jersey somewhere down in Mexico.

When asked what conclusions he had arrived at based on these high-level meetings concerning what to do about North Korea, Trump, as commander-in-chief, and no doubt feeling obligated to reassure the American public that he was right on top of the situation, stated categorically that “North Korea is acting very, very badly.”

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Whew! And here I was worried that the President was not well informed and did not have a detailed plan for action. Thank goodness he has surrounded himself with some of the country’s most highly respected experts on oil drilling and hedge funds management to help him with foreign affairs.

Actually he tweeted something similar several days earlier: March 17 Trump tweeted, ‘North Korea is behaving very badly.’ Obviously the President felt the situation had deteriorated enough over the weekend to warrant an upgrade from a ‘very’ to a ‘very very’ rating, classifying Kim Jong-un like some sort of tornado with bad hair.

I find it reassuring that he is not wavering in his strong response to the North Korean threat to blow up the entire United States with nuclear bombs and incinerate every man, woman, and child, resulting in all of us looking like those half-melted beer bottles you see in a campsite fire pit because some moron thinks they’ll completely burn up.

Now some skeptics who feel that Trump’s response is weak might retort, “Acting badly?? Kim Jong-un is a leader who poisons his family members. That is, when he’s in a good mood; otherwise, he feeds them to his dogs. This is a man who has his top military officials executed with an anti-aircraft gun!”

Well, you just need to keep in mind that when you cavort with the likes of Vladimir Putin, Kim may not seem like such a bad fellow to Trump after all.

The next segment on the nightly news that caught my attention reported that the President’s daughter, Ivanka, now has her own office in the White House just down the hall from Dad. She was even given security clearance and government-issued cell phones.

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So I guess one could say that she is pretty much a full-time staffer, yet she has no title. One possible title is that Ivanka is now officially First Daughter in Charge of Just Lookin’ Good in the Neighborhood since she seems to show up in nearly every picture of the President meeting with foreign dignitaries.

I think that this is a really great strategic move on her father’s part. Now when department stores drop Ivanka’s line of clothing and accessories she can just haul all the leftover stuff that didn’t sell at the store and set up a grownup version of a lemonade stand right in the White House lobby.

That way when tourists complete their tour of the place they can peruse Ivanka’s handbags and shoes and purchase a souvenir much cooler than some old t-shirt with “Make America Grate Again” on it, handwritten in crayon by none other than the President himself!

Come to think of it, where is First Lady Melania hanging out these days? Is it possible that she accidentally got swept up in the latest ICE roundup of illegals and Trump is not aware of it since it has not been reported in the National Enquirer?

The new health care bill was a dominant topic last week. Known as Trumpcare, it was basically Obamacare except now the policy has numerous misspellings and grammar errors.

A House attempt to pass the law was a total bust, probably because it lacked the Russians’ support. Putin could not back the law since it included coverage for individuals who spoke out against government leaders and happened to fall out of apartment windows.

It sure seems that the whole issue of Russian involvement in the US presidential election can’t get any more confusing. But I can guarantee you one thing: after Trump found out that a lawyer who represented the family of a dead Russian government whistleblower accidentally ‘fell’ several stories while attempting to haul a bathtub up to his apartment on a rope, the President is probably considering moving to a ground-floor apartment in Trump Tower—and only taking showers from now on.

Make no mistake about it, if Trump made a Faustian bargain with the Russians and fails to hold up his end, Vladimir Putin will teach him a whole new meaning to “The Art of the Deal.”

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist with accolades including an Associated Press first-place award in column writing and a first place award in a national writing contest sponsored by Nissan Corp. His articles are syndicated by Senior Wire.