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Moron of the Morning: Couple Arrested For Movie Theater Sex

November 24, 2017 GMT

An amorous Texas couple was arrested after they were caught having sex inside a theater at a multiplex in San Antonio, according to cops who reported that one of the suspects explained that, “We were just having a little fun!”

Bexar County Sheriff’s Office deputies were dispatched last Thursday to the sprawling Santikos Casa Blanca theater in response to a 12:10 AM lewd conduct call. Two employees told cops that a man and woman were seen having sex in theater #13. A police report does not indicate what movie was playing at the time.

While “doing his rounds,” one employee reported spotting a woman with her hands around her male companion’s “groin area (penis) stroking him really fast.” The employee then left the theater to summon his manager. When the two employees returned, the woman was “straddling” the man and “sexually riding him.” Upon closer inspection, the workers determined that the moviegoers “were, in fact, engaged in sexual activity,” with the woman “riding [the man] really fast.”

“This is a public place,” one employee declared. “You need to stop what you are doing and get off of him.” Caught by surprise, the couple “stood there for a long time” before the woman “began to pull up her pants (which were down to her thighs)” and the man raised his shorts.

The workers said that they could not see the couple’s genitalia. However, they both noted that the randy duo had removed their clothing and “were trying really hard to cover themselves with a small blanket.” Deputies then confronted the couple and removed them from the theater, which was occupied by several other patrons. The duo, identified as Melissa Feist-McCuistion, 39, and Adam Emmet Lee, 40, were subsequently charged with public lewdness, a misdemeanor.

During police questioning, Lee said, “Yeah, man, I should have known better.” While acknowledging that his behavior was “stupid on my part,” Lee added, “We were just having a little fun!” Feist-McCuistion. They are each free on $1600 bond in advance of a December 5 arraignment. The theater manager told cops that the couple’s encounter may have been recorded by “hidden surveillance cameras,” but that the footage from inside theater #13 could only be accessed by loss prevention officials.

-Smoking Gun