Some of the worst films of 2017
I must say, it is always quite the gas to have movie reviewing as one of your jobs. I review about 45 or so movies a year. After work on Thursday, I head to the movie house to see what’s new for the week.
Sometimes I am thrilled with what I see — and the following was when Thursday nights turned into a nightmare.
When I see a bad movie, I immediately want my time back. Now I can enjoy a movie that is so bad, it’s entertaining, but sometimes it’s just a big black hole in my week.
• “The Circle” — Now this sounded promising! Emma Watson stars as a new employee at the thinly veiled-as-Google company, the Circle. Tom Hanks is the Steve Jobs here who wants to be able to see everything.
In what could have been a great, corporation-gone-power-mad movie is one that is boring, sophomoric and dumb. I got the feeling Watson and Hanks owed the filmmakers a favor to do this horrid excuse of a film.
• “The Snowman” — Ohhh, this sounds good! Michael Fassbender plays an on-the-edge detective who is looking for a serial killer who leaves snowmen at the scene of the crime. After the film was out, the director admitted to not filming all the scenes he needed to make a good film. What?
Val Kilmer makes an appearance, and he was still recovering from cancer at the time, so they dubbed his voice with another actor. The dubbing is the worst in modern cinema. If this comes on cable, check it out only to see this blunder that wouldn’t pass muster in film school.
To top it all off, Martin Scorsese is one of the producers. This Snowman should have melted before it went to theaters.
• “The Mummy” — Universal wanted this film to launch its “Dark Universe” series of connected films. “Bride of Frankenstein” and “Creature from the Black Lagoon” were in pre-production until this turkey laid an egg in theaters.
Tom Cruise plays possibly his most unlikable character in a movie that was unexciting, brainless, and borderline unwatchable. Universal’s dreams of a shared universe to rival Marvel started and died right here.
• “Transformers” Part Whatever — After the first film, I have hated the Computer Generated Entertainment Vacuum that has been Michael Bay’s Transformers series. The one that came out this year connected King Arthur and the Round table with the titular robots.
This one finally was a disappointment at the box office, and if I have to sit through another one ever, it will be too soon.
• “Baywatch” — A comedy starring the Rock and Zac Efron? Sign me up! They’re doing a spoof of Baywatch, in the style of 21 Jump Street? Sounds good! It wasn’t.
I was in a half-full theater and I didn’t hear the audience laugh once. Not once! That isn’t a good sign for a comedy. This half-baked movie just sat there and for once, even the Rock couldn’t save the movie.
Here’s to a much better movie season of 2018. Happy New Year to one and all.
• A lifelong movie fanatic, Jason Valentine is the weather anchor for KAPP 35 evening news and reviews movies on the Friday 5 p.m. news. He has professionally reviewed films since 1994. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.